So after General Conference this weekend I posted on facebook about this blog. I had a friend text me and tell me how she has been struggling and read through my blog. She said it helped her to know she wasn't alone and that someone had gotten through this struggle.
This is EXACTLY the reason I write this blog. I know that not many people read it and even less leave comments (hint hint) but to know that it has helped one person gives me so much joy.
So for those out there that struggle with depression, what is something that has helped you? Let's share ideas and help each other out!!
Monday, October 7, 2013
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Time can heal so much
*Disclaimer-Please know that I do not write anything on this blog for attention. I write it because I know there are so many others out there struggling silently as I have done. If it wasn't for a blog just like this I would never have had the courage to reach out for help when I needed it. I put out my thoughts and feelings so that maybe there will be one person that doesn't feel so alone.
Cooler weather, the leaves changing color and falling, hot chocolate.....all sure signs that fall is here.
While sitting out on my porch yesterday the realization came to me that it is already fall, a time that I have been dreading for a while now. Fall means serious change and upcoming trials. But for me it also was a reminder of my struggles last fall and how far I have some since then. I am sure everyone has heard the phrase that time heals all wounds right? It is hard to see the truth in that when you are in the midst of that trial. It feels like you will never come out of it to see the light. But then later, you look back and cannot realize how far you have come.
Some of these trials happen not matter what and we have no way to control them. And there are others that come from our own stupid mistakes and decisions. That is one for sure thing in life, that there will be consequences to our choices and actions, good or bad, and we have to live with them. I strongly believe that all of our trials happen for a reason. We grow and become a stronger person. God doesn't give us trials to punish us, it is because He loves us. A lot of my struggles in the past have been from depression, not something that I asked for but live with daily. But there have also been many lately that come from my choices in life. Last fall, as I have mentioned before on HERE, I went through a really rough patch. I felt very lost and sank into a deep depression. I was loosing sight of my goals in life, my faith, what made me happy and so much more. I made a lot of wrong choices, pulled away from the people I love, and started hurting myself, literally. I was drowning and couldn't see a way out. The hardest part is that I couldn't bring myself to show it to anyone, I put on the "everything is ok" mask all the time. Finally, at my deepest point, I finally saw my life as the wreck it was. I felt the Lord calling out to me and trying to comfort and lift me up. Through A TON of work, heartache, prayer, etc., I started getting back on track. I went back to the basics and realized that the life I had was the life I always wanted, I just lost track. I had been messing it up with this image in my head of what I thought my life "should" look like. I was comparing myself to everyone else and not loving myself. I felt like I had to fit into this perfect mold and I took it really personally if someone didn't like me.
Fast forward to now. I am not perfect, no where near it. But guess what? I DON'T CARE!! My house gets messy, there are usually piles of laundry to be done, and we often eat cereal for dinner. But I am so happy. My kids are happy and healthy, I have an amazing husband who loves and supports me, and I have the gospel. Without my faith, there is no way I would have gotten through this. It has strengthened me in ways I cannot imagine and there are times I feel like I am going to burst if I don't share it with someone. I have a close friend who at the beginning of her religious journey and I feel it to be such a blessing to share it with her. We often enjoy discussing what we have each learned that week at church or encourage each other when struggling. Even though I have always had a strong testimony of my LDS religion (Click here to learn more), this year has been a great journey for me to strengthen that. Without this faith I am not sure how I would survive our new "adventure" that our family is about to undergo. (If you don't know what I am talking about email me). I see the clock counting down and I am nervous for sure, but I know I will make it through it. There will be really hard days, but I think I am finally at a point in my life that I can bounce back and not crack like I have done in the past.
All this just proves that time does heal all wounds, but you have to put in your own effort. I cannot sit on the couch and expect my life to get better. Someone dear to me once said, "yes the grass looks greener on the other side, but you have stopped to water your own?" This simple statement changed my life so much and I am grateful for it. All of us struggle from time to time. Just because I am ok right now doesn't mean it will always be that way. And if you are are struggling, remember that it won't last forever. There may be times where it feels like it will but I promise it will pass. Have faith.
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