Been awhile

I haven't posted in a little while because I have been sick and having a lot of stuff going on. Not that it matters, not sure if anyone but my mom reads this! But I really wanted to document the fact that I am feeling happy today! I mean really really happy! I realized this in the middle of cleaning house, which is a crazy time to feel happy! But I was getting the kids involved and we were really having a good time. Anyways, that's all I wanted to say!

Who am I?

Today during therapy I was trying to figure out the question, "Who am I?" My normal response is that I am a wife and mother. But take away those things and what is left? ...................................


I really couldn't think of what there was after that. Not that those things aren't great, believe me! But I think so many moms, my self included, tend to loose ourselves when we have kids. We get so caught up in taking care of everyone else that we forget about our selves. And not just taking care of ours selves like showering, eating, etc., but also doing things we enjoy. Still keeping up on being our own person. Does that make sense?


What are my likes and dislikes?, what kind of person am I? What are my goals after the kids are grown up?

I don't want to wake up one day, realize the kids are grown up and gone and see that I have no idea who I am and what I want to do.

So one of my goals right now is trying to answer the question of who I am. Lets hope I find something.....

Gotta find a balance

So I have been finding that staying busy helps me to stay in a better mood. The only problem is sometimes I get so busy that I end up exhausted. I enjoy staying home with the kids and just having a lazy day but then sometimes those days turn into depressed days. On the other hand, I don't want to be living out of my car. So my goal right now is staying just busy enough without going over. Things should slow down soon with my church calling so that will help a ton. Anyone have any advice on finding a balance? (If anyone is reading this yet!)

A need for change

Yesterday was a very low point for me. I went through the day feeling empty, like a zombie. Over the past few weeks I have felt more and more like this, it tends to start out small and build up. I was having a hard time feeling much enjoyment in anything, whether it was house work or crafting and everything in between. To be honest I never really enjoy housework, come on, who does? But for me to have to desire to craft, that is a different story. My kids needed me, the house needed me etc. but I just couldn't get myself to do anything. I felt like my head was caught in a fog and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't think clearly. To make things worse, I was feeling very irritable. So as my kids asked me for things, I snapped at them, only making everyone feel worse.
When the hubby came home I begged for some much needed alone time and jumped in the car. And what did I do? Nothing fancy I promise you! I went to Walmart. Yup thats right. I spent my alone time running boring errands. But at least I was ALONE! I looked like a wreak, I promise that! Frizzy hair, no make up, hoodie the works! Then because I eat when I am down, I went to McDonalds. Another great decicion on my part. But it was so good! I sat in the car, ate greasy food, diet coke and snickers! (picked up at Walmart)
Got home and finally opened up to the hubby which was a great help. For some reason I always try to keep my feelings inside, but it does feel so great to get it out when I do. It really helps to have someone who really understands what you are going through. Someone who has been through it also. To me that happens to be one of my best girl friends. I wrote about her in a post on my family blog. She is such a strength to me. It was her who forced me to go talk to my doctor today. She reccognized how bad I was doing yesterday and helped me do what I couldn't do alone. I guess I hadn't quite realized how bad I had gotten, but I see it today and I am working on it. Thanks to the hubby, the friend, the doctor and some new happy pills, I am on the road to feeling better.
Also, I got up and worked out this morning. It was so good! This is another thing that I forget helps me. When I feeling so down, the last thing I want to do is get off the couch and get sweaty. But it makes such a difference! So I am making it a goal to do it every morning. My church offers work out classes every morning for free, yeah!! That will help a ton. Also, they are at a reasonable hour, not the butt crack of dawn!
Before I leave I want to share something my doctor told me today. We were talking about how hard it is for many people to understand depression. He told me he often compares depression to diabetes when explaining it to people. With both, diet and exercise are very important things to getting feeling better. But with both, medication is a very important thing for SOME people. Without it you can die.....